Well well well, so you’ve decided to drop by my little blog post. Goody goody! Take a seat, put up your feet, rest your human meat. I’m Emlyn, as you know, but I think introductions are nice even if they’re repetitive. Plus my name is fun and quirky so I like to say it as much as possible. 😉 (No, I’m not a type 4, but my housemate Sara is—you should ask her about it! Also ask her about her Tycoon chart.)
Speaking of the Enneagram, I’ve recently undergone another identity crisis about what my type is and have come to the conclusion that I am a ….drumroll please…… ONE! I would say that’s a pretty good summation of my time with JSC so far—flailing about and trying very hard to figure out who I am with little success, only to have the truth served up to me on a little platter while reading over someone else’s shoulder about one of their Enneagram wings. Maybe I’ll try reaaallly hard to stop trying so hard.
As you might be able to tell, sitting with myself and being still and quiet is not one of my strong suits. As such, it seems only fitting that the moments when I manage to be still are typically when grace and I find our way to each other. The good things that have come from this year have often seemed to have snuck up on me: the Episcopal Church of the Advocate and the people I’ve met there; my mentor Amanda, her husband Steve, and the relationships we’ve been nurturing; my foster dog Moody and the rescue agency she’s a part of; and, of course, my housemates.
My housemates are not my closest friends. It’s a hard thing to admit that my housemates aren’t my closest friends, because somehow it feels like failing, or not meeting expectations. Entering into a program like this, I think it’s natural to hope that the people you live with will become your best friends, and easy for that hope to turn into expectation. But it’s extremely important to me to see my housemates for who they are instead of who I want them to be, because then can I appreciate and accept them in a more genuine way. You don’t have to be best friends with someone for that relationship to be meaningful and important in your life!! I love Corban’s spontaneous hugs and sense of play; I love Ben’s dry wit and deep love for religion; I love Sara’s singing and sense of humor. I like my housemates, and I care about them. They drive me bonkers sometimes and other times I see how they light up the world simply by being themselves.
I’ve learned a lot about myself living with people who started out as strangers, and boy let me tell you, it’s not always pretty. It’s often pretty humbling and sometimes even a little humiliating, actually. The truth is that I’m not a chill person 100% of the time—who would have guessed!! It’s the type one in me, y’all, I’m working on it—but to work on it I’ve had to face some Not Cool sides of myself. I’ve learned that I have some big insecurities about my faith, and I’ve learned that when I’m really stressed and scared, I have a tendency to reach for control as a security blanket. And, perhaps most importantly, I’m learning that it’s okay that I’m not perfect, so long as I strive to right what I’ve made wrong and know that God is the only perfection out there. After all, I’m betting that you, dear reader, are human, and thus aren’t perfect either (unless you’re not human….). Let’s be imperfect together, shall we?