Admittedly I find Communion to be one of the most difficult values. Communion tells me to be in the moment, communion tells me to be anxious in nothing, communion tells me to surrender my plans, communion tells me to clear my mind in order for me to see and feel God’s presence in my life.
January marks the beginning of a new year, the end of the first half of JSC, and the month where the question of “What’s next?” takes on an overwhelming and almost heart-wrenching importance. “What’s next?” after a house of strangers turned family, what’s next after living so intentionally within a society full of distractions, and what’s next when I don’t have a program that is a daily reminder to put God first? Where do I put my roots?
Communion is a reminder that I can always place my roots within God and the belief that there is a path for me—all I have to do is keep my heart and mind open enough to feel my way to it. However, like most things, this is much easier said than done. It has been a constant state of mindfulness, it has been a drudging up of my deepest worries that often times take up my mind space without my knowing, it has been a nightly ritual of chamomile tea, it has been a morning ritual of a smile and a greeting to my fellows in the house, it has been an endless cycle of center, recenter, center, recenter, of why-am-i-doing-this-this-is-crazy-i-am-freaking-out-i-need-to-put-in-100-job-applications-in-all-of-the-cities, recenter.
I have committed myself to find my way out of my worrying cycle by bringing myself back to the moment. I have committed myself to saying “this moment is enough” to reminding myself “Beth, in this moment nothing is wrong, absolutely nothing.” I have surrendered my ego’s desire to “figure things out” (i.e what I tell myself in order to condone more worrying) in order to flow with the moment. However, this surrender is not a one-time thing it is a constant, it is an everyday.
–Beth Ross is working at Freedom House Recovery Center this year.
“I am committed to regular, transformative, centering practice and I intend to live the moments of my life increasingly present to God and awake to the moments of the life God intends for me to live.”